Many times when women go through barrenness people seem to forget about the men. The first thing people think about when they hear that someone is barren, is that they cannot have children, but that’s not all of what barrenness is.
Men go through barrenness too! So, right now I’m going to let my husband, Paul Green take over my blog for the moment and give you a man’s perspective on barrenness. I know you will enjoy! Be blessed!
First of all, thank you to everyone who has purchased, read, and shared my wife’s book A Childless Mother No More. We pray you were blessed by our testimony and inspired to keep believing what God says about you even when the world says otherwise.
Now let’s look at this from a man’s perspective. Men are wired different from women. We were created to be providers, breadwinners, to “bring home the bacon” so to speak. So when there’s any area of your life where you’re being told you can’t give something to your spouse or children, it messes with our pride a little bit. Believe it or not, men go through barrenness too! Barrenness is an inability to produce……….it doesn’t just apply to childbirth. So when you have dreams and visions that you want to birth and time keeps passing without them happening, you start to wonder. You start to doubt yourself. You start to question God. Your confidence begins to dwindle. In the midst of that, the devil is in your ear BIG TIME! “You’ll never be able to give her what she really wants!” “You ain’t no provider. You ain’t even a real man!” “You’re just taking up space!” This is all designed to kill every seed God has planted in you……….spiritual and physical. When I was growing up in Youngstown, OH, I struggled with rejection a lot. At the age of 8 I was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome so my childhood wasn’t exactly normal. I was a misfit. I also had no one I could talk to about it. So I internalized my feelings. Major key fellas…….NEVER DO THAT! It will affect your future decisions. There will be a book about all that so I’ll cut it right there.
I said all that to say this. During the process of my wife and I wanting a child, I experienced everything I just stated and then some. What may have been worse was watching the anguish and the heartbreak in Shantae’s eyes every time she got a call from a friend or family member saying they were pregnant (keep in mind she was never jealous of anyone). Every time she took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Every time someone thought they had a theory about why we didn’t have kids yet. It felt like rejection all over again………especially when doctors told us to adopt because we probably wouldn’t have children.
The only thing I could hang my hat on was that God promised us we would have MULTIPLE children. That was the only glimmer of hope we had. In the natural, everything about our situation said no. But a yes from God cancels that out!
Trials like these come about when God wants to test your faith and your obedience. We still wouldn’t have any children if we didn’t pass certain tests to show we could be trusted. The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10) but he has to get permission from God before he can even touch us. So if He allowed it, there’s probably a purpose behind it. Which is why this book is out and why I’m writing this blog right now. As men we get impatient when things don’t happen when we want them to. If that’s you, ask yourself these two questions:
1.) Is it time yet? (a.k.a. did you learn what you were supposed to learn from what you saw and experienced so you can handle your blessings?)
2.) Did you obey? (a.k.a. when God told you to prepare/thank Him as if it happened already/not react the wrong way when someone gets what you’ve been wanting……did you do it? Or did you sit back and chill/question and get mad at Him for not doing it when you want/get jealous and hate on the ones who got blessed with what you want?)
In order for God to give you the desires of yours heart, the answer to both those questions MUST BE YES! I heard Bishop T.D. Jakes say in a message once “seed time is work and harvest time is work”. Just because you’re blessed with something doesn’t mean it works on autopilot…….you have to work! When God gave us Zackery I had to put in the necessary work to be a good father and a good husband at the same time. I couldn’t just sit on the couch and be like, “I’ve finally made it!” When farmers grow a harvest, if they sit back and chill their FOOD (SEED) WILL DIE! That’s why God won’t give things to us that He knows we don’t have the discipline and work ethic to maintain.
So fellas, it’s not over for you. Fine tune your ear. Listen to God’s voice and do everything He’s telling you to do and I promise you things will start to birth out of you that you didn’t even know you carried! I’m excited for y’all! God bless!